I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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