The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
