Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
