proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
