I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
