Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
