You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
