sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
