he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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