she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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