I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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