Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
