after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
worst night to have a conscience
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
