i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's like iHOP with fire
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i out mim tonsoeep
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