Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
