Will you blow on my dice?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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