if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
