come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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