dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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