Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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