Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
