Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
