I think I won the penis lottery.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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