I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
