YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
