So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
True strength comes from lack of pants
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
