Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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