sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You took a bar mat shot.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
