Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
