Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
