It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ttyl tear gas
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
