I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
