dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
