have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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