respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
