Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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