Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
