Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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