i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
