Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
