O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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