I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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