Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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