Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
