Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
