Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
