Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
