I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
