very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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