Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize