...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
