So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
