Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
