well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
