I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
