Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
