Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
