he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
