Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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