She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
