It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
