You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
