Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
