true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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