There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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