My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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