New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
