What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
