based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
