the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
