haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
