dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
