It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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