you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
