Will you blow on my dice?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
