oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
