A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
