pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
