please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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