I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
