my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
