Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
