Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
