what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
