I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
