He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
