Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
