Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
