When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
