I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im holly from the hills drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
