Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize