i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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