you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
