we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
