Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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