I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
did i just pee glitter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
