i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Houston, we have a blender
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
