Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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