its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize