ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
