kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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