that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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