There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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