Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
