Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
