I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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