If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize