I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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